Romantically Frustrated?

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2010-09-08
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Romantically frustrated?
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By 2011-03-21 22:24:24
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 Bahamut.Dasva
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By Bahamut.Dasva 2011-03-21 22:25:54
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Leviathan.Niniann said:
Submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.

Basically, if she can get you to do whatever she wants you're a sub. And yes, this includes listening to her talking about other guys.
*** no I hated that ***
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 Sylph.Herropreeze
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By Sylph.Herropreeze 2011-03-21 22:27:09
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You guys srs?! /cry
 Sylph.Tigerwoods
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By Sylph.Tigerwoods 2011-03-21 22:27:37
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 Bahamut.Ukiyasan
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By Bahamut.Ukiyasan 2011-03-21 22:28:36
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Bahamut.Feisei said:
Yea i'll bite...moreso because im sort of at a loss as what to do.

3 and 1/3 years ago I dated this japanese girl and things were great till she left to go back to japan(something I knew all along...mistake learned). Kept talking to her for a couple weeks after she had left and I was rather emo(my first love) about her not coming back for who knows how long. I tend to get upset when a girl I love breaks up with me and I cant have her anymore cuz I love with my whole heart. ***ended badly, I said alot of dumb things and we stopped talking for the past 3 years(also blocked me on fb) until...

About a week before the japan earthquake/tsunami I thought it would be cool to see what she was up to so I sent her a email. A couple emails later ***hit the fan in japan and I learn shes coming back for a month since she cant really do anything since everything is shutdown pretty much(school, work, etc). Well of course a bunch of old emotions in me get stirred up and I just don't even know.

The real kicker here is, my 2 best friends are still friends with her and have been keeping in touch with her. So im bound to run into her at some point shes here and i dont even know what ill do.
Well, just because its Feisei, I'll bite into answering this one.

If you don't want your emotions to be so obvious... just avoid her by playing FFXI the entire time she is in.... oh wait... nevermind.... you can't atm.

Nah, but in all seriousness... think about what you want. If you want to get back into this girl's life... you probably should start back as becoming a friend again. Regardless of how much you wanna just jump into a relationship... after having past issues, it would be best to take it slow... and maybe everything will work out for you in the end.
 Asura.Matzilla
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By Asura.Matzilla 2011-03-21 22:29:23
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just keep swimming~
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 Phoenix.Dabackpack
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By Phoenix.Dabackpack 2011-03-21 22:30:34
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Bismarck.Josiahfk said:
Phoenix.Dabackpack said:
Bismarck.Josiahfk said:
Phoenix.Dabackpack said:
Bismarck.Josiahfk said:
Phoenix.Dabackpack said:
Well, I was in a kind of "love triangle" a while back, but I don't think there's a geometric shape that exists which could describe what it was exactly. But I handled it the wrong way (doing nothing and hoping it to pass) and I'm still regretting it, because one of my close friends involved still holds a grudge, I suspect. And now I'm afraid to do anything else with love for that same reason. All my experiences have ended badly (not for myself, but for others).
ouch, you did nothing and your friend was hurt from that? They wanted you to intervene? And yeah understandable eeep > <
That's the paraphrased version; the person I liked was her best friend (very unlucky for me!) and it was clear that my other friend liked me, and when people found out that I liked this girl, BOTH of them got really angry at me for not handling it better. Plus there's other people involved, nyeh. It's not fun, I'm on good terms with the girl I used to like, but the girl who liked me is still is angry at me (this happened several months ago). Guess girls can hold grudges. EDIT: It wasn't that I was trying to manipulate anybody, but I didn't want ANYBODY to know any of this. I figured that I was willing to sacrifice my happiness to maintain the friendships we all had. But sadly, jealousy is not rational, and when this girl suspected it, she was not happy.
Do you think the girl you like feels the same? you haven't mentioned what she desires at all unless you and her just weren't that close? And yeah grudge wise that would be understandable from her side of view. Inactivity can so easily be misconstrued as just not caring even if you did put effort in bleh > < Women don't handle subtle well compared to how well they deal it out I've found, unless you find an overthinker but that's even more problems at times -_-
Nah, she didn't feel the same way. We were (are) very close and she used to tell me about the boys she liked and everything. I put up with it and did my job as a friend, I think. That's one of the reasons I decided not to do anything. I didn't want drama to happen, especially when I knew that nothing good would come of it for me. But we did hang out together a lot, and my friend noticed and grew envious. Essentially, she reached the correct conclusion for the wrong reasons. This whole thing has passed though, I guess I'm wondering how I should have handled it better.
Yeah I would wonder the same about that situation. But I've been on the opposite side and been far too honest with women, destroying them almost so I can't say one or the other would be best. For a jealous friend like that I would give up my crush if the friend was close enough to me. If the friend and I weren't that close I'd tell her the truth and pursue the crush. But that doesn't mean you should always sacrifice things for your friends. I think times do exist when we should thats all

I'm always given flack for not telling her straight up, but most of them don't know the whole story (and telling her might not have helped).
But my friendship with both of them was equal, I would say, I just had more classes with the girl I liked than with my friend.
Another of my friends described it as "The Cold War of emotions", which I thought was apt because I was distraught by the situation too.

Oh well, I've learned a harsh reality with it. And it feels good to talk to someone who has no involvement with the situation. Thanks for listening!
 Fenrir.Nightfyre
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By Fenrir.Nightfyre 2011-03-21 22:30:52
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Sylph.Tigerwoods said:
Obligatory

*** love confidence
Needs to be said every time.

Odin.Liela said:
It's very hard for me to talk to guys other than my husband unless I know them well, because I've had problems in the past when men thought I was flirting and I hadn't meant to come across as flirtatious at all.
If I'm in a social situation that I'm comfortable with (concerts, out with a group of people I mostly know, social dancing, etc) I can be very open and flirtatious. It's never caused problems though, thankfully D:

Bahamut.Lolserj said:
my like-minded group is people who don't know how to talk to women though

i asked a friend what i should do and he told me to break the ice by grabbing her boobs

and that was his best answer he could give because he doesn't know how to talk to women either
Hmm. Creepy... or ballsy. It's up to you to make it work!
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 Bahamut.Lolserj
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By Bahamut.Lolserj 2011-03-21 22:32:05
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Fenrir.Nightfyre said:


Bahamut.Lolserj said:
my like-minded group is people who don't know how to talk to women though

i asked a friend what i should do and he told me to break the ice by grabbing her boobs

and that was his best answer he could give because he doesn't know how to talk to women either
Hmm. Creepy... or ballsy. It's up to you to make it work!

isn't that sexual assault though?
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 Bahamut.Ukiyasan
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By Bahamut.Ukiyasan 2011-03-21 22:32:29
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Bahamut.Lolserj said:
Fenrir.Nightfyre said:


Bahamut.Lolserj said:
my like-minded group is people who don't know how to talk to women though

i asked a friend what i should do and he told me to break the ice by grabbing her boobs

and that was his best answer he could give because he doesn't know how to talk to women either
Hmm. Creepy... or ballsy. It's up to you to make it work!

isn't that sexual assault though?
It is... if she calls the police on ya.
 Fenrir.Nightfyre
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By Fenrir.Nightfyre 2011-03-21 22:32:31
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Bahamut.Lolserj said:
Fenrir.Nightfyre said:


Bahamut.Lolserj said:
my like-minded group is people who don't know how to talk to women though

i asked a friend what i should do and he told me to break the ice by grabbing her boobs

and that was his best answer he could give because he doesn't know how to talk to women either
Hmm. Creepy... or ballsy. It's up to you to make it work!

isn't that sexual assault though?
Not if she likes it.
 Asura.Chuuuuu
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By Asura.Chuuuuu 2011-03-21 22:32:47
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Bahamut.Lolserj said:
Fenrir.Nightfyre said:


Bahamut.Lolserj said:
my like-minded group is people who don't know how to talk to women though

i asked a friend what i should do and he told me to break the ice by grabbing her boobs

and that was his best answer he could give because he doesn't know how to talk to women either
Hmm. Creepy... or ballsy. It's up to you to make it work!

isn't that sexual assault though?
yeah dont do that :P random honking of boobs isnt cool
 Bahamut.Lolserj
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By Bahamut.Lolserj 2011-03-21 22:32:51
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let's not chance it...
 Asura.Bluespoons
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By Asura.Bluespoons 2011-03-21 22:34:12
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Long post is long...

So I just got engaged, yay! It's the best thing that ever happened... but there's a *** face lurkin' in the background.

It's his ex (and I really mean ex, it's his first gf ever) and she just can't get a *** grip on the fact that he's with me. She used to call him and text him all the time asking him to go over to her house (the one she just bought with her new hubby), asking him what it is that I do all day while he's at work, is he sure I'm not cheating on him... basically just trying to paint me as some lying ***.

I told him that I wasn't really a fan of him talking to her since all she could do was trash talk me. I get that they remained friends after her broke up with her, and I'd be all cool with that if she wasn't always acting that way. He's friends with another girl that he used to date and we actually hang out with her and her fiancée sometimes, because she isn't always trying to make me out as a bad person. So, after telling him that I didn't like it, he deleted her from his phone, and stopped responding to her. So yay for like 3 months of not dealing with that.

Then he added her to his facebook.

She does the same ***now... messaging him asking all sorts of crap that's none of her business, and telling him she's heard ***about me and the bad things I've been doing behind his back. I understand that it's someone he was in a relationship with, there's a special kind of thing they have that will never go away. Like all of my exes were ***, but I still care enough about them to hope they're doing well. I can't figure out how to tell him to delete her without sounding like I'm some jealous ***.

tl;dr How can I tell my fiancée to get rid of his ex?

inb4 i'm somehow jealous
 
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By 2011-03-21 22:35:14
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 Asura.Sandolphon
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By Asura.Sandolphon 2011-03-21 22:35:34
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Studies show that there is a direct correlation between the amount of girls you get and the more you look like a uterus.
 Asura.Vyre
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By Asura.Vyre 2011-03-21 22:36:11
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Hmm, from my experience a lot of women are overly cruel and condescending in nature, but ahh that's women my own age for the most part, and I don't tend to do well talking to them anyway. All in all, it's my opinion that you save yourself a lot of stress by being apathetic about the whole deal. What I mean is, more women have taken an interest in me/told me of romantic feelings since I stopped obsessively pining/caring so much(but I totally did it like a boss) about what one or two women thought about me. Then again, it might also be the fact that I'm somewhat attractive since puberty ended. On a what frustrated me the most note: Gay men started hitting on me long before women started flirting with me..
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 Asura.Bluespoons
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By Asura.Bluespoons 2011-03-21 22:36:19
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Asura.Bartimaeus said:
Hi Spoons, have Abri cut the ***.

:D

[Congrats btw]

=O that's all I gotta do?

QUICK! Call Abri for me lol
 Fenrir.Nightfyre
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By Fenrir.Nightfyre 2011-03-21 22:36:43
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Bahamut.Lolserj said:
let's not chance it...
Hey, no guts no glory!

Bahamut.Dasva said:
Leviathan.Niniann said:
Submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.

Basically, if she can get you to do whatever she wants you're a sub. And yes, this includes listening to her talking about other guys.
*** no I hated that ***
I actually don't mind doing that /shrug

Well, I mind if they go on and on about how terrible their bf/relationship is without doing something about it...
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 Sylph.Vestal
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By Sylph.Vestal 2011-03-21 22:38:17
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 Fenrir.Mtmoogle
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By Fenrir.Mtmoogle 2011-03-21 22:38:41
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Leviathan.Niniann said:
Submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants. Basically, if she can get you to do whatever she wants you're a sub.And yes, this includes listening to her talking about other guys.
I thought listening to her was just being nice. I was talking to this girl since the beginning of my college freshman year, and I listened to multiple stories about guys she dated and were currently dating. I told her I couldn't care less about any of your boyfriends names, or who there are/were, but you can tell me anyway, and she did. She spent more time with me than she did w/ her boyfriends... But after a seris of unfortunate events, I don't want to have anything to do w/ her, yet I really want to talk to her, but I fear it would not end well.
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 Leviathan.Quetzacoatl
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By Leviathan.Quetzacoatl 2011-03-21 22:38:48
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Asura.Matzilla said:
Phoenix.Uzugami said:
Does always being tossed into that "close-friend" spot when I really like the girl in question, but she always tends to date horrible types of guys count? :<

I lol'd, but is it wrong for me to think that having lots of money is just a cheap standard that only makes the girl in question more secure about how things will turn out? I mean, Financial success is good and all, but can't they just settle for someone who has a fair income? For instance, My friend up the street is unemployed, but he's worked before and just not long ago he finished his training to be a truck driver. inb4 you've never tried, etc.

I hate gold-digging, which is a major turn-off for me, and I think it happens just about 80% of the time. As far as my situation is, I'm a tightwad with my money. I don't spend much, but I do have a job working with my parents' company which is currently getting a lot of good rep.
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By Sylph.Tigerwoods 2011-03-21 22:38:59
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 Bahamut.Feisei
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By Bahamut.Feisei 2011-03-21 22:39:54
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Bahamut.Ukiyasan said:
Bahamut.Feisei said:
Yea i'll bite...moreso because im sort of at a loss as what to do.

3 and 1/3 years ago I dated this japanese girl and things were great till she left to go back to japan(something I knew all along...mistake learned). Kept talking to her for a couple weeks after she had left and I was rather emo(my first love) about her not coming back for who knows how long. I tend to get upset when a girl I love breaks up with me and I cant have her anymore cuz I love with my whole heart. ***ended badly, I said alot of dumb things and we stopped talking for the past 3 years(also blocked me on fb) until...

About a week before the japan earthquake/tsunami I thought it would be cool to see what she was up to so I sent her a email. A couple emails later ***hit the fan in japan and I learn shes coming back for a month since she cant really do anything since everything is shutdown pretty much(school, work, etc). Well of course a bunch of old emotions in me get stirred up and I just don't even know.

The real kicker here is, my 2 best friends are still friends with her and have been keeping in touch with her. So im bound to run into her at some point shes here and i dont even know what ill do.
Well, just because its Feisei, I'll bite into answering this one.

If you don't want your emotions to be so obvious... just avoid her by playing FFXI the entire time she is in.... oh wait... nevermind.... you can't atm.

Nah, but in all seriousness... think about what you want. If you want to get back into this girl's life... you probably should start back as becoming a friend again. Regardless of how much you wanna just jump into a relationship... after having past issues, it would be best to take it slow... and maybe everything will work out for you in the end.

lol, funny how you pop up all of a sudden like every time i see you.

Id love to get back with her, but i *think* she has a bf in japan. Either way she will only be here for a month and then head back to japan unless it gets engulfed by the ocean(is it bad that i kind of sort of want this to happen?>.>). Back when we dated we always said things like "we can do our own things and after were done get back together in the future"(you get the jist, that was badly worded) since we both knew she was leaving for japan after the school year. I don't even know if she wants to have anything to do with me.
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By zahrah 2011-03-21 22:39:58
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Asura.Bluespoons said:
Long post is long...

So I just got engaged, yay! It's the best thing that ever happened... but there's a *** face lurkin' in the background.

It's his ex (and I really mean ex, it's his first gf ever) and she just can't get a *** grip on the fact that he's with me. She used to call him and text him all the time asking him to go over to her house (the one she just bought with her new hubby), asking him what it is that I do all day while he's at work, is he sure I'm not cheating on him... basically just trying to paint me as some lying ***.

I told him that I wasn't really a fan of him talking to her since all she could do was trash talk me. I get that they remained friends after her broke up with her, and I'd be all cool with that if she wasn't always acting that way. He's friends with another girl that he used to date and we actually hang out with her and her fiancée sometimes, because she isn't always trying to make me out as a bad person. So, after telling him that I didn't like it, he deleted her from his phone, and stopped responding to her. So yay for like 3 months of not dealing with that.

Then he added her to his facebook.

She does the same ***now... messaging him asking all sorts of crap that's none of her business, and telling him she's heard ***about me and the bad things I've been doing behind his back. I understand that it's someone he was in a relationship with, there's a special kind of thing they have that will never go away. Like all of my exes were ***, but I still care enough about them to hope they're doing well. I can't figure out how to tell him to delete her without sounding like I'm some jealous ***.

tl;dr How can I tell my fiancée to get rid of his ex?

inb4 i'm somehow jealous

Congratulations!!! I would give him an ultimatum at this point, but that's just me. In my experiences, exes are always bad news. Cut the tie if she can't be civil.
 Sylph.Vestal
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By Sylph.Vestal 2011-03-21 22:40:32
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tbh tiger, i was motivated by you and you posting the video months ago, so all in all you should get the credit for me just having sex.




p.s. you would get more credit if i infact had sex with you.
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By Asura.Bluespoons 2011-03-21 22:40:34
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Asura.Bartimaeus said:
Asura.Bluespoons said:
Asura.Bartimaeus said:
Hi Spoons, have Abri cut the ***.

:D

[Congrats btw]

=O that's all I gotta do?

QUICK! Call Abri for me lol


I'd hope Ovr gets the idea that you really don't like him even having contact with his crazy ex.

I deleted my ex off of urr'thang and while Abri would never ask me to do so, I did it for myself and for her.

Like I aid, I get that he wants to be friends with her, and I don't like having to ask him to not be friends with someone, regardless of who they are. I don't want to be the girl that made her guy ditch all of his friends, but I really can't stand the ***. I've never even met her and all she does is act like she's somehow better than me.

WHY does ovr have to be so damn dense?!
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