Random Politics & Religion #00

A friend of mine who doesn't follow the elections asked me to explain the candidates if they were FFXI players. This is what I came up with:

Hillary: SCH who used to be a sackholder for an oldschool HNM LS. Still does endgame now, but is also big on soloing stuff. Questions on the legitimacy of her solos pop up since it looks like she's using third-party programs. She also made a mythic surprisingly fast for someone who doesn't craft or do Salvage.
Bernie: PUP who can tank Reisenjima T4 stuff when his friends ask for his help, but doesn't actually have an endgame LS. Has two social LSs full of casual players. Helps low level people walk to Jeuno, etc. Forever fighting the stigma of lolPUP. Doesn't use Windower.
Trump: BST who inherited an account full of crafting mules and ancient currency. Doesn't actually understand how crafting works and regularly makes things at a loss. Has made all relic weapons, despite only playing BST, and has only done trials on the axe anyway. His bazaar contains a lot of HQ garbage with his name signed on it. His favorite strategy is to use Unleash and Run Wild, letting his pets do all the fighting.
Cruz: RDM who only ever buffs himself, though maybe refreshes the WHM. Fond of subbing NIN as if he was tanking or something. Always uses his favorite enspell and melees with swords, but his accuracy is ***. Wears the RDM AF armor cuz he likes the traditional RDM look. His bazaar contains a bunch of 1 byne bills listed at the value of 100 byne bills. Lots on everything, and even got a Tartarus Platemail despite not being able to wear it.
Rubio: PLD with good gear, including Aegis and Ochain, but nevertheless gets his *** kicked against most stuff. The things that don't kill him, he's dead weight against and can't hold hate. Doesn't consider NIN or RUN tank jobs, and regularly rants about SE.
Kasich: MNK with sparks gear. Dude can't get a win anywhere, not even against Tojil (but he's really practiced with the Matamata by now). Seems nice enough but he's ultimately dead weight in just about any situation. All of his accessories are from the 75 or Abyssea eras.

And some others:

Jeb: DRK who had pretty much anything money can buy, but was still bad at his job. Quit due to having nobody to play with.
Carson: BRD who buffed and went AFK. Maxed out Lullaby merits.
Christie: WAR who got banned for pos hacking before finishing his Ukonvasara.
Fiorina: Never even hit 99 before quitting.
Romney: RNG who relies on shouts to do stuff. Doesn't have an endgame LS. Hates BST strategies. Made a relic gun just before the enmity changes and is still bitter about it.
Biden: BLM who's really great at the job, but logs in like maybe once a month cuz he has a family now or something.

Thieves are destroying my contry future.
They are in everywhere.
Stealing, corrupting and making fun of our intelligence.

Even as they watched the two candidates amass large margins on Tuesday, historians and strategists struggled to recall a time when more than half the country has held such stubbornly low opinions of the leading figures in the Democratic and Republican Parties.

“There is no analogous election in the modern era where the two top candidates for the nomination are as divisive and weak,” said Steve Schmidt, a top campaign adviser to George W. Bush in 2004 and John McCain in 2008. “There is no precedent for it.”

Mrs. Clinton’s commanding wins in the swing states of Ohio, North Carolina and Florida seemed to hobble the once robust challenge of Senator Bernie Sanders. And Mr. Trump’s dominance in Florida, North Carolina and Illinois knocked out Senator Marco Rubio and propelled Mr. Trump even closer to the Republican nomination.

This would be the moment, under normal circumstances, when the de facto nominees, emerging victorious from the intramural skirmishes of their parties’ nominating contests, would invite an eager national electorate to take their measure. And in their victory speeches, both tried their best, issuing broad appeals for Americans to unite behind them.

But Mr. Trump has unnerved many Americans with his inflammatory oratory and radical-sounding proposals. And Mrs. Clinton, while viewed as a more seasoned and serious political figure, has struggled in her campaign to win the trust of the American electorate. And it is all but impossible for the country to take a fresh look at them.

America has lived with Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton, in a remarkably intimate fashion, for decades, processing their controversies, achievements and setbacks, from impeachment to marital breakdowns, Senate victories to flashy skyscraper openings. Voters’ impressions of them, with few exceptions, are largely formed and fixed. According to Gallup, 53 percent of Americans have an unfavorable opinion of Mrs. Clinton and 63 percent have such a view of Mr. Trump.

there are a lot of fiscally conservative businessfolk rooting for her

no... we hate her with the white hot passion of a thousand suns.

twice as many people voted in the republican primary as the democrat.

suffer and weep

Full disclosure- I jumped parties and voted for bernie in an attempt to overthrow her royal majesty queen hillary the obnoxious... and was soundly twarted

So many people complain they don't wanna be ruled by banks. Then what's the point of voting for Clinton, it's like giving the government to Wall Street!

Sucks to be Bernie though, very close call in Illinois and Missouri.

She's got enough corporate backing that your collective "we" is clearly not unanimous.

GOP establishment

their last best hope is kasich pulling off some sort of a miracle/back door shenanigans to capture the nomination.

the question is, are any of the big money super pacs that backed the other losers going to double down on kasich hoping for an upset

I can see some strength in that ticket.

their last best hope is kasich pulling off some sort of a miracle/back door shenanigans to capture the nomination.

the question is, are any of the big money super pacs that backed the other losers going to double down on kasich hoping for an upset

Can Rubio just give his delegates to Kasich? I'm not sure how that works.

Republicans soaking democrats in primary voter turnout.

Liberals should be nervous.

Anyone with common sense began getting nervous the second this country began taking a Donald Trump presidency as anything but an SNL skit.

They would be that stupid as to give the nomination to Kasich after Trump and Cruz stomp out everyone else.

I for one will not vote for any establishment stand in. If Trump runs third party, I will vote for him. Otherwise I'll write in Cruz.

I think it all started as an elaborate troll but the joke got too out of hand and now he can't call it quit anymore!

Anyone with common sense began getting nervous the second this country began taking a Donald Trump presidency as anything but an SNL skit.

It's *** up no matter how you look at it.

Then again, so is our country.