FFXIAH Linkshell Ni

Before there was PARKER there was my old friend Lappy the laptop... He was my first really kick *** laptop. He took more beatings than any good laptop should but he never missed a chance to spread his evil...broadcasting faxes, connecting to archaic evil machines...lappy could do it all. I used to bring him home with me every night and we would laugh about all the evil things we did together... then one weekend I left him alone in the office broadcasting his evil faxes to unsuspecting fax owners all over the world.... <insert 56k fax modem noise here>

Monday morning rolled around and I got to the evil office early to check on how lappy did over the weekend...but something was wrong. There was a lid of a garbage dumpster covering our front window and then I noticed the doorknob was missing.

A small window was broken... what the ***!? did they break it and shove a little kid through? or a circus midget?

I raced inside but poor Lappy was gone... <pause for sorrow>
Along with several other diabolical machines... I didn't care about them, only my beloved lappy, would I ever here him squeak and whine his high pitched cries of modemocity!?

The police quickly apprehended Little Anthony, a common thief so small in stature he was almost a fidget... they caught him in a stolen van full of all of our stolen ***and scooped it all up and took it to the police station...

I got to visit lappy only once, to identify him.... but by then my evil boss had settled the losses with the insurance company so they would not give him back to me. Lappy the Laptop traveled on without me to the land of dreams and shadows... /removes hat
He was recycled... never to beep and annoy people ever again...

My evil boss said he would find and purchase me a new lappy...
But how? and where? Lappy was no ordinary laptop he had it all, 9 pin serial ports, high speed modem, every evil program ever written. for years I had poured my evil heart and soul into lappy. His replacement cost was estimated by the insurance company for $3,500.00... but to me he was priceless.

I waited... for ten long years... In the meantime I have used "breaky" my current laptop, which was my son's laptop and is held together with duct tape... It's so slow.. and almost portless...no modem, no 9 pin, no way to store all the evil that was on lappy..

and then yesterday my boss handed me a cardboard box... and in it a shiny new laptop!


psyche!
no...it's a rebuilt piece of ***. it also has no ports or evil programs... and it has windows 8 which so far I loathe and detest... and the goddamn thing can't even figure out how to configure itself for two wifi spots that have the same name... or I can't...it does have a nice screen and it's light as a feather...

maybe I will figure out ow it works someday..

Curse you little anthony! may an incurable flesh eating virus slowly devour you completely you filthy ***.

LAPPY!!!

10 REM SIMPLE PAINT PROGRAM
20 REM BY VECTRONIC
100 HOME : GR
110 X = 20 : Y = 20 : C = 9 : K = 160
120 COLOR = C: PLOT X, Y
130 GOSUB 2000
150 XP%=PDL(0): FOR PX = 1 TO 10 : NEXT: YP%=PDL(1): FOR PY =1 TO 10: NEXT
160 K = PEEK(-16384)
170 IF XP% > 130 THEN 300
180 IF XP% < 120 THEN 400
190 IF YP% > 130 THEN 500
200 IF YP% < 120 THEN 600
210 IF K = 155 THEN GOSUB 3000
220 GOTO 150

299 REM PLOT X MOVING LEFT
300 GOSUB 1000
310 IF X =39 THEN 150
320 X = X + 1: COLOR = C: PLOT X - 1, Y
330 COLOR = 9: PLOT X, Y
340 GOTO 150

399 REM PLOT X MOVING RIGHT
400 GOSUB 1000
410 IF X = 0 THEN 150
420 X = X -1: COLOR = C: PLOT X + 1, Y
430 COLOR = 9: PLOT X, Y
440 GOTO 150

499 REM PLOT Y MOVING DOWN
500 GOSUB 1000
510 IF Y = 39 THEN 150
520 Y = Y+ 1: COLOR = C: PLOT X, Y-1
530 COLOR = 9: PLOT X, Y
540 GOTO 150

599 REM PLOT Y MOVING UP
600 GOSUB 1000
610 IF Y = 0 THEN 150
620 Y = Y - 1: COLOR = C: PLOT X, Y + 1
630 COLOR = 9: PLOT X,Y
640 GOTO 150

999 END

1000 REM COLOR PICKER
1100 IF K = 177 THEN C = 1
1110 IF K = 178 THEN C = 2
1120 IF K = 179 THEN C = 3
1130 IF K = 180 THEN C = 4
1140 IF K = 181 THEN C = 5
1150 IF K = 182 THEN C = 6
1160 IF K = 183 THEN C = 7
1170 IF K = 184 THEN C = 8
1180 IF K = 185 THEN C = 9
1200 IF K = 209 THEN C = 11
1210 IF K = 215 THEN C = 12
1220 IF K = 197 THEN C = 13
1230 IF K = 210 THEN C = 14
1240 IF K = 212 THEN C = 15
1250 IF K = 160 THEN C = 0
1260 RETURN

2000 REM MENU OPTIONS
2100 PRINT "1=PRD 2=DBL 3=PRL 4=DGR 5=GR 6=MBL
7=LBL 8=BN 9=OR Q=PK W=GR E=YW R=AQ T=WT SBR=BK ESC=QUIT"
2200 K= PEEK (-16368)
2999 RETURN

3000 REM QUIT
3100 PRINT "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO QUIT? "
3110 PRINT "TYPE 'Y' OR 'N'"
3200 INPUT N$
3300 IF N$= "Y" THEN 3700
3400 IF N$= "N" THEN 3800
3500 PRINT "PLEASE ENTER A 'Y' OR 'N'"
3600 GOTO 3100
3700 TEXT : HOME : GOTO 999
3800 GOSUB 2000
3900 RETURN