Funny Craigslist Ads

Disclaimer: Not for people with A.D.D. Reading is involved.

rofl
bathtub and cereal

Awww no waffle crisp?

i wanna sex you in a bathtub lud

***I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The *** machine was originally my idea until that *** Clint Eastwood stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?

5.After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, Irun out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks).

6.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentaly challenged.

7.Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ***, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.

8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.

Awww no waffle crisp?

The cereal, bathtub and sex one made me lol really hard..
Seriously, That's gotta be a joke..right? ..RIGHT?! D: