Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

I've been to these. The key is to be vague, and not just vague but also abstract in a way that no meaning whatsoever could be extrapolated from anything you have said.

So you lead off by thanking everyone for taking time out of their days and you let them know how much you appreciate them each individually for their prior efforts and how much you look forward to sharing this time with them and your eagerness to evoke in this meting, the spirit of togetherness and understanding.

Then you hit them with the agenda. "Because, after all, we're here for <insert meeting name here> and for the children because all of us here care and are concerned and have taken time out of days which I fully appreciate"

Then comes the stall where you repeat everything you already said in a slighty different way. "Because when we all work together in this spirit of harmony and understanding I know we can work together and I appreciate you all taking time out of your day...

Then sucker someone else into reading the minutes from the last meeting which will take a while.

And then when they finish you say "And I think we can all agree what an excellent job <person's name mentioned in the minutes from the last meeting> has done and we hope they will continue to do on this.
Then appreciate their efforts and ask them for an update.

They will say something vague about how hard they are working and how difficult it will be to continue and then you appreciate them some more and urge them to continue their difficult task and then set up the next meeting.

And then in closing you thank everyone profuseness and congratulate yourselves for all your excellent work.

Then you make a awkward joke which when considered fully is borderline sexist/offensive and then to cover that up you mention the foibles of a local sports team, then you slip out of the room and go get more coffee.