Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

The way spiders move bothers me a great deal. Eight legs moving together like a well-oiled machine of wicked witch fingers is bad enough, but the speed at which they move is truly awful! Nothing that crawls should be allowed to scurry half that fast. Watching spider legs move can even give me a bit of a stomachache. If their movement isn’t freaking me out, their webs are. Have you ever been walking along happily in your own backyard, playing fetch with your dog or picking dandelions, when suddenly a near-invisible trap-wire of spiderweb blows into your face in the wind and tangles around your head or your bare arms? It tickles and itches at the same time, making me feel as though I have creeping witch-legged spiders crawling all over me. Of course, it doesn’t help at all that many spiders bite, and many spider bites are poisonous. If you never wish to sleep peacefully again, you need only look up a picture or two of spider bites. There is a breed of spider here in Idaho that will actually attack humans on occasion. It’s called a hobo. They are a bland color that blends in well with carpet and upholstery, they jump, they run like miniature cheetahs, and they bite. They also get fairly large for spiders– the last one I saw was about the size of a quarter, and she was only average-sized. So, you might be thinking this is all quite bad enough, right? Wrong. On top of all that horror and nightmare fodder, say hello to terrified insomnia at this: Spiders love warm, dark places. So yes, they do actually crawl in your mouth as you sleep to lay eggs. I have expressed a wish that all spiders in the world suddenly drop dead and never come back before, and whenever people hear this wish of mine they enjoy telling me that spiders are necessary to keep the populations of other insects low. If you have ever said such a thing, then I invite you to come gather up all my spiders and take them to your place. I will invest in some frogs, turtles, and birds to keep my insect population down. In fact, even if I didn’t invest in those much-preferred insect-eaters, you are welcome to come take all my spiders anyways. I’d much rather have houseflies than hobos!