Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

I dont feel like the stocking industry is taking me serious!
I bought these really nice HQ stockings with patterns, but....apparently my legs are too long or I need to get fatter.
I have to buy a large for my height, but i'd need an extra small for my weight.
Could have just bought simple black ones cause you dont see the bloody patterns anyways ><

I've been uploading youtube videos for the last few weeks and I finally decided I'd try Twitch streaming, was actually pretty psyched when someone started watching my second stream.

Thank you random Italian viewer.

Westworld is my spirit series.

Preordered FFXV Deluxe Edition and the Hardcover Collector's Edition Guide from Amazon.

CANCEL THAT, SQUARE-ENIX!

Ok I have linked it now, didn't actually cross my mind to link my Twitch to my FFXIAH account.

+1 for stockings, I have a thing for them...

*dies*
just spent... 2 hours...
building...
first...
chair

No dying on the job!
YOU GET UP AND SHOW THAT CHAIR WHO'S BOSS!

i beat the chair

*you dont see the lego box.*

I see the Lego box.

thats one hideous, but comfy looking chair. My house is filled with lego, nothing wrong with lego.

That Lego box~

I'm incredibly jealous of the chair... I really need to get a new one, maybe I'll look at some computer/gaming chairs for the holidays.

So last night I dreamt I was throwing a special bday party, like it was a super huge event. There were people from my university, from my highschool, even from my elementary school! There was actually even Obama doing the opening ceremony!
Anyway it was in this gigantic building with an almost infinite amount of stairs that led from the basement, through various areas, all the way to an outer staircase that led to some sort of tibetan temple...
So there was a huge prize for a game and the game was to walk all the way from the ground floor to the top, and I don't know what the prize was, but it was so huge that there were hundreds of participants.
There were so many people that some of the staff didn't even know who I was and when I went inside to check on the food they were like "why are you here?" and it turns out they thought it was a celebration party for Trump's election(???)
So, the game starts and everyone starts going up these infinite stairs, I wanted to join the fun so I did the same even though I was the one who put up the prize(which I don't know what it was).
Well, as I started running towards the entrance I looked up for a second and there was something weird in the sky. There were semi-transparent mandalas that were starting to appear all over. I tried to tell people but they were too focused on the race and didn't mind me. A few minutes later however the moond started turning black and this huge red thing appeared near it(like a star or some other burning object). It was drawing closer and closer to the moon and as it did it became brighter and brighter..eventually everyone noticed the sky was completely lit up but it was too late the thing crashed into the moon, it exploded and a flare hit the planet wiping it with all of us from existence.
Obviously that's when I woke up...
...but the weird thing is that my mom greets me in the morning telling me she bought new biscuits. So I go grab them and guess what is advertised on the box? A book about mandalas.

I know I've said it before, but my powers are slowly increasing...

I loooooooove Westworld.... so good. Story is so good. I need to watch the newest episode today.

My phone told me Lina was streaming,
It was a lie. :<

.-.!!!!



LINA CLEAN YOUR ROOM

:3 <3

Story: I was playing with caridigan last night and its lacy and my thumb got stuck in the lace and i had to cut it free...
:(

ALSO WHO WAS THOSE 6 PEOPLE WHO JUST CAME TO MY STREAM WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED STREAM WHILST MESSING WITH MY SET UP! LOL

I can't take a picture of my chair or everyone would see that I need an old man orthopedic butt cushion.

The opening theme is stuck in my head this morning. I love all the radiohead on the piano as well. Good stuff.

Ok, while I don't often share personal feelings, I have to get this off my chest because it's actually hurting me inside.

I really don't feel like taking ***for all this, so I would appreciate it if I don't receive any from the usual suspects. I generally wouldn't post this, but I really feel like talking to somebody today about it, and I am practically alone until this weekend, nobody to see at all.

I think you and like most other people in the world have no idea what love is aside of that exagerated version we know from TV. That kind of love just doesnt exist, stop trying to chase it, you'll never find it.

My opinion, I'll add most people think I have a weird cold/relationship

This sort of seems like the crux of the thing to me, though I'm hardly a professional...well, anything, really, on the subject.

***in dreams can certainly hurt. I've had similar dreams, actually, relating to various subjects, though details aren't something I'm really up for discussing at the moment. But they can't certainly have an impact.

I mean, hell. I had one where I legit woke up very much questioning my own sanity.

Speaking to your actual situation...it's rough, man. I know how lucky I am to have my wife. I have a very good friend (brother, really; that is, a fraternity brother and a very close friend) in a situation similar to yours and I find that he actually distance himself from my wife and I even though we're all really good friends with a long history, because you can tell at this point in his life (he's 6 years older than we are) it's really tough for him to be around people when he's still pretty solidly in the bachelor zone despite his best efforts. Even though we're friends and we're here for him if he needs us, we're just not the friends/relationship he needs right now.

I guess the only thing I can offer is that while you can get burned, you also can only get as much out of a relationship as you put in and that's the risk in relationships, be they platonic or romantic. You don't get hurt if you avoid close relationships, but you also don't get the benefits either. It can very much be a high risk, high reward scenario.

I guess my problem is that I never felt so emotionally agitated before.

It's like comparing a pinprick over a gunshot wound. It's never been so strong in my life, and I think that's why I'm so confused right now.

I just don't know. I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet on this one and seek professional help and answers.

I do think that's something you can be prone to if you try to kill off your emotions, the term 'bottling up' does come to mind in that when you do get into an extreme emotional situation it all just explodes out in one go.

While not quite in the extremes of your situation, I tend not to get emotional too much, I dunno, I blame my Aspergers or something but the only times I tend to get emotional is when I'm watching a football (soccer) match because I just get caught up in the whole event.

The last time I got caught in my emotions though was over my grandmother, her health had been declining and was in hospital, in what ended up being her death bed, throughout the whole time I went through life pretty normally, despite the fact before her health declined I'd basically gotten into a routine of having dinner with her after work and for anyone who knows someone with Aspergers Syndrome, routines are pretty important.

So we have the funeral and I was even asked to read her favourite poem, nothing, still no emotions but when the curtains closed on the casket as it was to go in the incinerator I just started crying uncontrollably, it just started, I tried to fight it but I couldn't which was really hard for me as I don't like to feel so vulnerable.

On another note, 6'10" seriously? You've got over a foot on me.

I have very bad experience with that, in the end I felt even more miserable. It didnt bring answers at all aside of the things I already knew.

When you are in a relationship or have intrest in an individual, have you ever been open about how you feel about said person or about how you feel having feelings?

Cause.....ugh long story actually and dont like talking about all the meaningless ***in the past since it doesnt change anything, I can relate to what you're going through though.
Killing off emotions is something you cant unlearn just like that. If you've done that for 18 years i'd say its become a part of you.
Maybe it was more the shock of allowing these emotions in your dream then the actual love that makes you feel so shaken right now.

I know people around here might find it difficult to believe, but the situation you've described is very similar to my own.

I can do angry. Angry comes really easy.

The rest? Not so much.

I used to take a lot of flack on the holidays for not being happy with my gifts and stuff like that because I don't outwardly show a lot of excitement. I have a very difficult time with joy/gratitude/etc. It just sort of overwhelms me and I shut off. Same thing with grief, though I've luckily had minimal exposure to that. My grandmother's passing was preceded by several years of decline so I was able to prepare for it, mostly.