ZOMG, Avoid This Person!!~

Since most of the posts on this forum seem to deal with this kind of thing, I feel it fit to post this here. I would like to warn you all of this scammer who I had the displeasure of dealing with the other morning--

I was sitting at the table eating a great big bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch when this guy comes crashing through my friggin wall...in a boat! There's not even any water near my house so how is this even possible?! This silly lookng man dressed in blue, wearing a hat with the letter "c" on it jumps from the ship and on to my table. He goes on to explain that he is the "Cap'n" of the vessel and was here to explain to me why I was eating the wrong cereal.

I didn't buy what he was selling...I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch...but a part of me always wondered why I love the taste of it! Well, the Cap'n told me he had all the answers and offered to "crunchatize" me. I didn't quite know what that meant, but something told me I could trust the guy. Maybe it was his mustache, or maybe it was that awesome hat...or maybe it was because of the fact his eyebrows and eyes were actually attached to the front of his hat rather than on his face...either way, I took the Cap'n up on his offer and boarded the ship.

Once I got there I was immediately taken aback by the number of children he had on this ship. Either this guy is some kind of child laborer advocate or some kind of pedophile. Before I can ask any questions he puts a bowl of this orange colored cereal in front me and tells me to go for the crunch! I hesistated, but lucky for me a ruckus started brewing in the room adjacent to mine--I heard someone with a boistrous voice shout, "They're GRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEAT!" The Cap'n left the room, it got very quiet, but suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of gunshots. He returned shortly thereafter, followed by a few other pirate looking fellows, dragging behind them a dead tiger.

The Cap'n stared at me with those weird ginormous eyes, sitting atop his hat...I had no choice but to eat the cereal which was presented to me. I took a spoonful, and the roof of my mouth was immediately irritated by the stupid, jagged little pieces of cereal. I did my best to power through, but a few minutes later, the pieces of cereal were made incredibly soggy by the milk, leaving them a disgusting yellowish-white color, and also with a god awful taste and texture that no one should have to endure. A mighty roar rose up from the ship, and everyone seemed to have broken out with feelings of unbridled enthusiam and glee--like an impromptu victory party. It was at this time I knew I had been scammed.

While I was sitting, trying to recover from that travesty of a breakfast cereal, I overheard their plans to assassinate someone named General Mills...Were they planning to whack the makers of my beloved Cinnamon Toast Crunch?!? Without warning, the Cap'n hoisted me up, loaded me into a canon, and shouted "You and the Cap'n make it happen!" He fired and I suddenly found myself back at my table staring at a box that looked like this.

So the moral of this story is, don't trust this guy. I still don't know why I love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and this so called "cereal" of his has left the roof of my mouth torn up beyond repair. Never trust anyone who has a hat for a face either...I guess I learned the hard way =/...